it’s been far too long since i have written a blog! i apologize. there is quite a bit to catch you all up on - i really should be doing a better job at this. ok... where to start? the last time i posted a blog about some of the history surrounding Strumica; a blog widely read i am sure (haha)! my history lesson has proved to be insightful (for me at least) and i am glad to know a little bit more about this small town in Macedonia we are calling home for now. Since last posting we have celebrated two holidays, said goodbye to the American couple that brought us here, sustained (and continue to recover from) three injuries as a team, lost and won some games, lost and gained a new language tutor, made quite a few trips to the capitol (Skopje) while doing our best to meet new people and take in the culture more fully.

so i guess it best to try and expand on each of the items i mentioned have occurred since early October when i last posted (first, another sip of tea... my new morning ritual since we have no coffee maker)! the first few days of October we got a package delivered from my brother and sister-in-law. upon opening it we were reminded that Halloween was approaching... my sister-in-law had kindly packed up small plastic pumpkins and stuff for decorating them along with some other fun decorations. Brady and I quickly hung the decor in his and Cal’s tiny room and let me tell you... it really added something. we put the pumpkins on the windowsill and I can honestly say I have never enjoyed decorating for a holiday more. some people may think Halloween not to be a significant holiday (or not like it at all for that matter) but when you have a child that loves to dress up as much as mine does you may feel differently. in fact to be honest most days are Halloween-esque around here because of the fact that brady changes into a new costume/outfit every 30 minutes! on top of decorating with the stuff my family sent we also painted some butternut squash (finding a real pumpkin to paint it pretty impossible here - but the squash was a perfect stand-in), made carmel apples and funny as it may seem, October 31 came and went and since it was on a Sunday we kinda forgot about it... but Brady and Cal did not seem to mind; i guess what I am trying to say is that it was nothing a little candy couldn’t fix. this was probably a better way to celebrate it seeing as they don’t recognize Halloween here and as a result trick-o-treating would probably have been quite problematic.

the basketball team has faced quite a few challenges and although challenge can be seen as a strong word I would even go as far to say that’s even an understatement. on October 27th during our away game against MZT one of our best players and probably our best shooter (Jeremiah Boswell) hyperextended his knee and has been out ever since. On October 30th, the point guard (Marcus Neal) who we worked very hard to get here after losing Todd Hendley early on to a heart issue also sustained a knee injury. then at practice the week following Marcus’ injury David Buchberger, after just recovering from a corneal abrasion rolled his ankle so badly that it turns out his injury might keep him out the longest. the guys are working really hard to get healthy and back on the court... lots of therapy and Dr’s visits (that is where all the trips to Skopje come into play). unfortunately healing just takes time which is something we can’t do much about. As a result of losing these guys on the court John has had reroute his strategy as a coach, which can often be frustrating. along with looking at the team a new way we have had to look at our time here in a new way as well... being reminded why we are really here. we never thought that we would face this much adversity as a team when it came to injuries, but God has allowed it and is asking us to walk through it in Grace while trusting His plan. trusting God and being patient through all this is very difficult; because like every athlete the desire to win is very present and real and without these three guys our chances of winning are unfortunately reduced drastically. we are hoping that Jeremiah will be back in the next few weeks and maybe Marcus by the last game. David will not be able to play until after the holiday break... which btw all teams in e. europe take the month of January off because the gyms are not heated and even with the best under armor it’s far too cold to do much of anything.

Ryan and Jyl left us a few weeks before Thanksgiving... i may not have mentioned them much but they are how we got to this “place” so I apologize if this is the first time I am mentioning them. they are having their first baby toward the end of January and wanted to be in states to begin this new journey of parenthood! as a mother of two... I so understand wanting to be near family and with healthcare that you know and trust - it’s also a plus to have a nurse that speaks english when your pushing a baby out -haha! we are excited to meet this new girl and to have Ryan and Jyl back in the ‘donia with us this spring. we were very thankful for their time here and trust that God will continue to direct their ministry as their lives change with this new addition.

as for Thanksgiving... it was a very nice time. Anna, Hallee and I had to improvise a bit and some of our culinary delights almost turned out to be culinary disasters, but in the end it all came together. we enjoyed a 22lb turkey that i was blessed to get from a fellow CRU buddy in Skopje. i stuffed it with lemons, onions, garlic, rosemary, parsley and slow roasted it for 7.5 hours. we had a lot leftovers, but it would not have been the same to have Thanksgiving without a turkey or the other trimmings we made: mashed potatoes, stuffing, corn, green-bean casserole, squash (pretending to be sweet potatoes for the day). we had some yummy desserts too and i can say with confidence that everyone went home satisfied and smiling.

so here we are almost three weeks away from coming back to the states for a month and it has me looking back on these past three months thinking, “WOW”! I can’t believe how they flew by... but in truth not every day has felt like that. The adjustment to being in a new culture has taken longer than i had anticipated for both myself and the kids (john seems to be doing quite fine assimilating to the culture -haha). their are still days that i find myself throwing my hand ups and yelling, “i can’t do this”, but in those moments i am reminded that compared to what Christ has given up for me... i have not even come close to given up what Christ has by moving our family here to Macedonia. i truly believe that God is in the business of strategically positioning us in the right place at the right time even though the right place and time can often feel like the wrong place and the wrong time. that statement could easily ring true for us given some of the challenges we are facing; the injuries of our players only being a small percentage of that. i know for us that our “problems” can seem BIG right now but i think sometimes out problems seem BIG because our view of God can be small - in fact at times we reduce God to the size of our biggest problem... forgetting that God orders our steps (if we are HIS) - even the hard steps - they are all considered part of His plan because He knows the ending and He has our best interest at heart. so as we continue to walk through this journey i am reminded to fix my eyes on the Lord and strive to conduct myself in a manner worth of the gospel of Christ. Remembering too what it says in 1 Peter 4:12 “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange was happening to you”! I love that verse because it kinda makes me chuckle... we always ask “why” when we are faced with a trial and here God says why are u surprised and although as believers we are never promised an easy life we still think we will or should have one at times. in our trials now and to come my hope is that i will continually be reminded to look to the Lord and remember that anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. for such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life. james 1:12 (the message).

a little history folks...

Thought it might be nice to lighten things up with a bit of history about Strumica; the new city that is allowing me so much “growth” as a person - lol. Some might say history is boring and I would have said that I was in this particular camp of thought years ago but it seems the older I get the more I find history riveting. So anyways my lecture will now begin. Strumica is a town situated in the south-east of the Republic of Macedonia (close to the Novo Selo-Petrich border crossing with Bulgaria). The population is close to 55,000 with an absolute Macedonian majority (90%). There are all together about 150,000 people living in the region surrounding the city. The city is named after the Strumica river which runs through it. The town is first mentioned in 2nd century B.C. with the Greek name "Αστραιον" (Astrayon). Later it was known by the Latin name "Tiveriopolis".

Hang in there as my lecture continues for all you history buffs (I will get to something a bit more fun eventually) ... in the IX century the town became part of the First Bulgarian Empire and it remained Bulgarian until 1014. After the Battle of Kleidon Strumica was seized by the Byzantine empire. In 1395 after another two centuries of Bulgarian control it fell under the Ottoman rule. During the National awakening in the second half of the XIX century a Bulgarian school and church opened their doors in the town. According to the 1878 ottoman census the Strumica had 2,400 households with 3,300 muslim and 2,120 Bulgarian citizens. In 1895 a IMARO committee was founded in the town by revolutionary leader d-r Hristo Tatarchev. In 1897 Strumica became part of the Bulgarian Exarchate. The census three years later showed that the population consisted of 6,100 Bulgarians, 3,100 Turks, and 700 jews. The majority of the Christian Bulgarians though sympathized the Constantinopole Greek Patriarchy. During the First Balkan War the city was liberated from the Turks and for some six years became part of Bulgaria. Following Bulgaria's defeat in World War I, under the 1919 Treaty of Neuilly-sur-Seine Bulgaria was forced to cede Strumica to the Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes, later to be called Yugoslavia. Strumica was occupied by Bulgarians in World War II. Following the World War II, Strumica remained in Yugoslavia and in 1945 became a part of the newly established Federative People's Republic of Macedonia. This federal republic remained in Yugoslavia until 1991, when it declared its independence as The Republic of Macedonia. It is also interesting to note that the country of Greece does not even recognize Macedonia as a country but instead refers to it as Skopje, which is Macedonia’s capitol city. Greeks feel that Macedonia took land rightfully belonging to them and therefore there is a great amount animosity between the two countries since Macedonia became a Republic.

In present days Strumica is the main agricultural center in the Republic of Macedonia and has many textile factories and a developed trade network. Large percent of the goods produced in Strumica are used for export in other cities in the Republic of Macedonia as well as in some European Union countries. One legacy of Strumica, once having been a part of Bulgaria, is the local dialect. Removed from Standard Macedonian language, its own features would make it unique in any case, but the few decades spent within Bulgaria did pass many Bulgarianisms down to each generation - the dialect is called Strumitsa (clever huh...haha). Strumica is one of the richest area in the Republic of Macedonia, which currently residing here is quite a shock to hear, but what is even more interesting is that Strumica is considered on the fast track to a becoming a developing modern city as it has expanded its infrastructure in the last few years. According to what I have read they determine improvement of infrastructure by Strumica's geographic position... not sure what that means but I can say that these next few fun facts I am going to share with you... well... I have never seen any of these to be true in what I would consider a developing modern city.

In Strumica it is not uncommon to experience any of the following on any given day:

-The refusal to accept or only make exact change. I have experienced this in a lot of ways like for instance today at local fruit/veggie market; I had four apples that i wanted and when the lady weighed them it was 26 denar so she proceeded to put three more apples in my bag to make it an even 30. I am thinking, “ok... i guess i will have 7 apples”! Another way they help you (but really themselves) exact change is but simply reducing the price - It’s 510 denar and u only have a 500 and 100 denar bill - well then it’s your lucky day bc you are gonna save 10 denar. One time when paying for gas (it’s $8 a gallon here btw) the price was 2398 denar - I gave the attendant 2500 denar and he gave me a 100 denar bill and a small chocolate (to cover the 2 denar he still owed me).

-People hanging laundry from the local park equipment. I just laugh when I see this because could you just imagine if someone went to a township park took their jeans, rug, towels and threw them over the swing set - it would so NEVER happen. Oh and the best part no one moves the stuff.

-Children play outside till 11pm and I mean small children. Bedtime for the average school age child is around 11-12pm (jr high and high schoolers are up much later). All I know is my kids are still going to bed at 8/8:30 and people think I’m the weird one.

-”Old” grandma types with fire red and purple hair, which btw they choose to dye this color all on their own -it is not some cosmetic mistake. I am guessing it’s a fashion statement here but I don’t think it’s a statement they should be making -haha. This reminds me of this time in high school when my sister dyed her hair purple and my grandma freaked - guess the grandmas here would just love it - may even be seen as a sign of maturity.

-Random animals mill around the city and I am not talking the occasional stray dog or cat. No, no I mean horse, goat, donkey, cow. On a few different occasions I have come to the basketball gym to find a white horse standing out front of the building - just hanging! Goats love the gym too - think we need to do a better job at mowing our grass (haha)!

-Tractors and horse-drawn wagons are still a main mode of transportation here in Strumica. Often I will pull into a parking lot and their is a tractor on my right and a BMW on my left.

I don’t know about you but none of this is really going on in the States... and although I am no world traveler none of the above screems developed or modern. There is one thing that is quite developed and modern about Strumica that I forgot to mention - their NIGHTLIFE. Apparently Strumica famous for being the home to some of the best clubs and lounges in the Republic of Macedonia. From what we hear people come from all over the ‘donia to party till the wee hours of the am. Some of our team has accompanied locals that we have gotten to know here and agree that it is pretty good - although when I mentioned it might be fun to come along (you know simply for research purposes) I was told that I was not young and vibrant enough to keep up. This person said I was would be falling asleep in the corner. I know I am 30, but I am plenty young and vibrant... not sure but I may have found something to write my next blog - haha! Hope everyone learned a little something here... later!

in the pit

i have a very close friend who for the past few years has been struggling through deep loss and she started a blog. her blog is not a place to have a pity party for herself but instead a place i feel encourages and heals both her and the people who read it. anyways i was on her blog this morning and i saw a post from a few months ago; a post which i have probably already read but at the time did not hit me the way it did today. the quote is from a book about loss and it says :

"When things are going well, we feel elated. When hardships come, we sink into depression. But true joy transcends the rolling waves of circumstance. Joy comes from a consistent relationship with Jesus Christ. When our lives are intertwined with His, He will help us walk through adversity without sinking into debilitating lows and manage prosperity without moving into deceptive highs. The joy of living with Jesus Christ daily will keep us level-headed, no matter how high or low our circumstances."

i found this to be an encouragement because from where i am standing my circumstances are certainly low right now.

this week has been the most difficult for me to date since crossing the great atlantic. i have felt i was barely holding on these past few days which for me a kind of a new feeling. Now of course i should have assumed that after writing an entire post about how i feel we are getting back to a place of normalcy that immediately following, everything would come apart at the seams - but in truth i did not see this complete 180 coming. if i am honest we have been facing consistent challenges since we arrived here but a few things happened this past week (kinda like the old saying the straw that broker the camel’s back) that sent me on an emotional roller-coaster leaving me with little to function on/with. in the midst of all the emotional upheaval, in an attempt to continue to pursue truth instead of reveling in the lies that would tell me to continue feeling sorry for myself i am reading a book called “in the pit with a lion on a snowy day” - a very good book and given the subject matter and my current life circumstances i think it is by no coincidence that i’m reading it now. in the book the author states that God is not only in the business of strategically positioning us in the right place at the right time but that He is awfully good at getting us where He wants us to go as well , but there is a catch - the right place often feels like the wrong place and the right time often feels like the wrong time. nothing rings truer to me right now than that feeling.

i don’t know about anyone else but although i realize that God does not owe me anything i often times act as though He does. when i'm going through a struggle or trial i often start wondering why God is allowing this or wonder where He is quite frankly! i often can’t fathom why He’s allowing certain things and question His purpose and plan in all of it. with that being said i ask myself if this IS the right place and the right time - why all the trials, challenges and worry? I don’t have an answer for this but i do know that 1 Peter 4:12 says “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you” and then in James 1 it says that we should count trials a joy because they produce in us God’s character. Sometimes God is funny... i don’t say that to be disrespectful but come on - trial and joy - seems like an oxymoron to me when you look at it’s face value. although upon a little deeper inspection the true spiritual understanding emerges and you remember no matter where you are or what you are going through - how low or deep that struggle or trial; God is good, God is in control, and He will never send me anywhere that He isn't. I am so very thankful for that truth.

the return to normalcy or at least a version of it!

Sorry! Sorry! It's been a bit since my last post. Trying to settle in here is still taking time - more time than originally planned but it is getting easier. More days are good then bad, although I do still have my "I hate Macedonia" moments like today when I slipped and fell down the stairs of our apartment building with a stroller in one hand and Cal in the other - twisting my ankle pretty bad in the process. There are obviously things about living here that are not like living in OHIO, but I will say that this past week was the first point where I started to feel a bit normal - as normal as one can feel in a foreign country when you are still unable to speak the language. I think something that has helped me on my way to normalcy is that I am no longer feeling intimidated about going about life here. I kinda felt paralyzed a bit in these past weeks so unsure of where to go, what I could say (or not say); afraid of just about everything which for me is no NORMAL! I pride myself on being pretty independent and industrious - but here I was sorta feeling like I was back at my first day of high school (I think most of us can relate to this feeling... it's what I refer to a a "LOST" feeling).

Another BIG factor in my return to normalcy was a little reminder of it... Upon moving to Macedonia we were told that there was another Crusade couple in the capitol and that we had to of course meet them and their boys. So this is just what John and I did. We went to Skopje (pronounced scopia), which like I said is the capital of Macedonia to visit Scott and Jennifer Matthews and their boys Ely & Noah who are the exact ages as our boys! Just arriving in Skopje you know your no longer in little Strumica since it's just a scosh bigger than we have become accustomed to in the past month. As we drove up to the Matthew's house... a house and not an apartment... with real grass in the backyard... well let's just say I was so excited. To make things better we were greeted with two smiling boys ready to tire out our two boys and the smell of fresh-baked cookies. Then the cherry on top... a babysitter would be coming in two hours to watch all the boys so we could go out to dinner! We were thrilled for ourselves and the boys. Our dinner btw was magnificent. We went to a fun little cuban place in the middle of downtown where John and I both had a wonderful steak and not just for Macedonian standards. Then we had this delicious chocolate cake that immediatly upon cutting into erupted with fudge - it was a truly great night. We were out for almost 5 hours (the longest we have both been without the kids in weeks)... we are looking forward to doing it again real soon.

We drove home the next day and Brady said "that was really fun... i think we should move to here, I just know we can find a new hotel to live in here"! Yes, a hotel... Brady think we are living in a hotel because the building is five levels - it's both funny and cute - whatever works; all he knows is that it's different!

So now that the "LOST" feeling has become somewhat removed and although I cannot say it is totally gone, and it may never be which I think that I am OK with. I am an after all American (proud to be) and not Macedonian but I hope that the two will continue to meld together and my time here will be fruitful in so many ways.

The Honeymoon is... what Honeymoon?

So we definitely live in Macedonia now. Don't believe me; actually I hardly believe it myself but here's our address.

John & Sara Jakus

Ul. Braka Miladinovi
br. 55/1-13

2400 Strumica

Macedonia

Well lets start from the beginning. We left Chicago August 22nd at 2:30pm for our 8hr flight to Frankfurt - it went surprisingly well and the boys were well-behaved. Cal fell asleep about 3hrs prior to landing but Brady fell asleep on our decent into the Frankfurt airpot which turned out to be a fiasco. Most people may not know this about Brady but he sleeps like a rock and when he is out he is out but with that being said he does not take very well to being woken up. It usually creates for a very unpleasant environment! So there we are at the gate in Frankfurt (sometime around 10:30 in our minds) with two kids passed out; two pillows, two blankets and three carry-ons to get off the plane. John and I looked at each other with a bit of anxiety and thought how are we gonna manage this. As everyone exited the plane some of our fellow travelers were kind enough to see our dilema and help us with the bags... the kids on the other hand were a bit more tricky. Of course our strategic goal was to keep them asleep but as anyone who has ever flown through Frankfurt airport before that was a very lofty goal. OK, so I think Frankfurt airport might be the most poorly designed airport I have had the privledge of flying in and out of. Your must walk what is at least a mile to get from gate to gate and before entering a new gate area you have to go through security which of course would make total sense because you could have acquired something very dangerous while you were 30,000 feet above the ground for 8 hours. So with that being said our children did not make it through our excursion through the airport and security and remain asleep. They in fact did wake up... Cal was fine but Brady was quite a sight. Trying to block this part of the trip out, but I am pretty sure he tantrumed and curled up on a ball in the middle of the floor saying leave me alone continually until reaching our connecting gate then slept during our four hour layover - he did not wake up again until we got to the airport in sofia (where the same behavior happened again - what JOY)! When we arrived in Sofia we were all tired but so excited to see our friends, Larry, Courtney, the Gills and of course for John, I and the boys - Milen. Milen of course is from Bulgaria (3hrs outside of Sofia in a small town called Yombul) and left our home in Ohio early June to see his parents for the summer. It is still weird to think we will be here in Europe while he is in the states the next few years.... but anyways. That day is a blur... we were all so jet-lagged and the boys just wanted to sleep which of course made for a few interesting nights with them up for 4-5 hours hungry and ready to play. We spent two full days in Bulgaria relaxing and seeing people which was very nice... then on Aug 25th the other US players (Jeremiah, Todd, & John) arrived and we headed to Strumica (pronounced Strumitsa).As most people know driving in a new place can present some challenges but when you are in a country where there are no real rules of the road and all speed limits are optional it can be more than just a challenge and downright scary. I am from NJ where people are naturally aggressive drivers and John is very comfy driving in a BIG city and we were still intimidated. We were following a large red van carrying the team and most our bags and from the way this bus driver was driving you would have thought his butt was on fire. We lost him numerous time and they even popped a tire which you would have thought to be and encouragement to sow down, but now way. Needless to say 5 1/2 hours later we rolled into Strumica, eat dinner and were brought to our new apartment.
Originally John and I thought we were going to stay in hotel for a few days while we looked for a place to live, but the existing missionary couple (Ryan & Jyl Smith) had found us a place unbeknownst to us. So let me tell u a little about our place. First off it is on the 5th floor and there is NO elevator. It is probably 500 sq feet... a little bit smaller than what we are used to and when we walked through the door at midnight after traveling in a car without air conditoner at 95 degrees it was a bit of an emotional hit. In addition to the size we realized quickly (since there isn't much to see in 500 sq feet) that there were no beds for the boys to sleep in that night. Obviously we were all exhausted so we improvised and made it work between our bed and the couch cushions. It would only be for one night since the beds were to be delivered in the morning. So... of course the beds were not delivered in the morning. They were delivered 6 days later - it was a long week! I cried alot and few days a I am pretty sure I told John I was going home and he couldn't stop me - pretty mature huh? Not my finest moment, but slowly Myself, John and the kids are settlin' in here and our little apartment is feeling like home and the five story trek up to our place is probably the best calf/bun exercise i have every done... especially holding Cal or five bag of groceries.
Brady started Macedonia school today and I had my first playdate with Cal today. John will coach the first scrimmage of the season tomorrow (pray they win bc if they do John has promised to take me to Greece so we can hit up the IKEA again - we went the first weekend we were here). We have had a few language lessons and I can at least say hello like a local now! I have shopped in the huge open markets and successfully bought peaches, bananas, apples and pears. Oh and I drive everywhere. We can drive on the sidewalks here and well I am starting to think that the worse you are at driving the better - all the 16 year old first time drivers should come and learn here because then they for sure could drive anywhere. I feel that there is so much that I missed so if you have any questions just post 'em and I give you the scoop!

"Keep on asking and it will be given you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking reverently and the door will be opened to you".

Matthew 7:7

Reflecting today on how God brought us in the direction of Macedonia. The precision of His timing, the value in His way and purpose... all of which brought us to this place of circumstancial uncertainty or what goes by another name ADVENTURE. God has really given our family this amazing expereince to enjoy and savor together over the next two years. The reason I am in a place of reflection is largely because John and I are at our Campus Crusade "stint" training this week in St. Charles, IL @ the Phesant Run Resort and Golf Course (John is finding himself drawn to the beautifully manicured greens but has not yet gotten to swing a club - patience I tell him... you'll get your chance). Much like I am telling John to be patient God told us to be patient when our plans for Bulgaria went out the door. We knew our desire was to serve Him overseas but we were confused. We questioned how He was working, we wanted to create our own plan, our own ministry and in fact none of our plans came to fruition. So in this reflection I am thankful for God's plan because low and behold it is perfect - who would have known (haha)! We are gonna be blessed with such a ministry... but before we load the plane on August 22nd we need to do a bazillion things which I trust God has already taken into His care. Excited that out next post will be from Strumica, Macedonia.

BTW - we sold our van yesterday so that is exciting news and we were able to get Brady's passport renewed yesterday as well. He turns 5 on September 13th and well it would have been an issue getting over the pond if they noticed his passport was less than 6 months from expiration. Ok well that is all I got my peeps. Later

adjusting

today the reality of this move finally hit me. i actually had thought as we packed up the house and drove out of cincinnati that it hit me then; apparently though it comes in stages, for not only myself but also for the kiddos. when we arrived in chicago last week brady was thrilled to say the least. he loves spending time with grandma and grandpa and of course he enjoys all the comes along with that... mcdonalds, ice cream, & not to mention cable (which we had shut off 6 weeks before the move). after a week though we were driving home from the local grocery store and he said to me, "mom, when are we going back to our house in Ohio because i really miss my bunk beds". later that night he was up till ten crying and asking when he could see his friend Baron again and over the whimpering asking if we could please skype him". it kinda breaks your heart because you know that you are to blame for making him "miss" these things and yet there is not an immediate fix-it solution to give a four year old that really and truly doesn't understand or accept the knowledge of our move to Macedonia which is obviously the reason he will no longer be sleeping in his bunk beds or seeing any of his buddies. i know brady will adjust, but it still breaks my heart and i realize that it will probably be even harder once we are in country.

as for john and i.... i think what we are grieving the most is our KING size bed, which is probably what the people renting our home are probably enjoying the most - right jesse and jen? our grief has been magnified by the reality of home renovation here at the jakus house. renovations that have left our normal "bedroom" without a door. need i say more...

cal has no clue what is going on; which is good and bad. good because it is one less person to comfort and make to feel secure through all this transition but bad because it means he doesn't understand and has no idea what is coming. there is so much unknown for him and so much unknown for us with him. most of our close friends and family know that Cal has been undergoing some testing and therapies for autism. although he has not been formally diagnosed with autism he exhibits some symptoms of the disorder. obviously as a parent this rips me apart inside. never do you want for your child to be at a disadvantage, never do you want your child to face challenges or be different. we spend our time as parents doing our best to shield our kids from as much harm and hurt that we can and the fact is i CAN NOT shield him from this. just like i can't shield brady from the reality of not seeing his friends or sleeping in his bunk beds (not exactly the same, but u get the point).

Thank you all for your love and support of our family. You mean more to us than you will ever know.

Oh - btw i also desperately miss my red corduroy couch.

oh... i forgot to mention as we were 15 minutes into our drive brady asked us "so, are we in another country yet". HA! if it was only that easy - he truly has no idea how far away we are moving from what he has always considered his home. love my BOY!

yesterday was emotional... that is the best way to describe it. it was a sunday morning and like most sunday mornings for us we were racing around the house to get ourselves and the kids fed, dressed and off to church; but this sunday we had a little more on our plate as we also threw some final items in our trunk since after church we would not be going back to our home. in fact we would not even be going back to west chester, let alone OHIO!

as we did a final walk-through of the house making sure we didn't miss anything it was hard to not recall the memories of our life there up to this point, again... emotional! we got in the car, shut the doors and drove away with and all too surreal feeling. John looked at me and said... i can't do this; i can't get up in front of these people and talk - i am going to lose it; just look at me"! most people who will read this will know that john and i are on staff with Athletes in Action a sport ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ and as "missionaries" our church wanted us to get up and talk to the congregation about what we will be doing in macedonia. since john is more or the public speaker he of course was going to be the one sharing with everyone.

He of course did cry... kinda like a small child, but he did manage to let everyone know that we were going to be embarking on a new adventure as a family. an adventure that would include a lot of very tall men (AKA - Pro Basketball Players), a new home in a new country and to sweeten the pot a whole new language to learn. crazy that 7 years ago john and i moved to the 'nati and i spent those first weeks crying myself to sleep thinking that i would never feel at home in this city. now i leave with tear welling my eyes thinking will i ever feel at home in Macedonia. if the past is a good predictor of the future i KNOW i will both fall in love with Macedonia and the people there (just as soon as i can learn to talk to them).

for the next few weeks we are in chicago making some final preparations for the move - ya know like visas so they don't kick us out before we even get there, praying that is all comes together and the boys don't tear apart the in-laws house too bad. trying to think of a great tag line to sign off with but i got nothing - so i guess it's just "later" for now.