adjusting

today the reality of this move finally hit me. i actually had thought as we packed up the house and drove out of cincinnati that it hit me then; apparently though it comes in stages, for not only myself but also for the kiddos. when we arrived in chicago last week brady was thrilled to say the least. he loves spending time with grandma and grandpa and of course he enjoys all the comes along with that... mcdonalds, ice cream, & not to mention cable (which we had shut off 6 weeks before the move). after a week though we were driving home from the local grocery store and he said to me, "mom, when are we going back to our house in Ohio because i really miss my bunk beds". later that night he was up till ten crying and asking when he could see his friend Baron again and over the whimpering asking if we could please skype him". it kinda breaks your heart because you know that you are to blame for making him "miss" these things and yet there is not an immediate fix-it solution to give a four year old that really and truly doesn't understand or accept the knowledge of our move to Macedonia which is obviously the reason he will no longer be sleeping in his bunk beds or seeing any of his buddies. i know brady will adjust, but it still breaks my heart and i realize that it will probably be even harder once we are in country.

as for john and i.... i think what we are grieving the most is our KING size bed, which is probably what the people renting our home are probably enjoying the most - right jesse and jen? our grief has been magnified by the reality of home renovation here at the jakus house. renovations that have left our normal "bedroom" without a door. need i say more...

cal has no clue what is going on; which is good and bad. good because it is one less person to comfort and make to feel secure through all this transition but bad because it means he doesn't understand and has no idea what is coming. there is so much unknown for him and so much unknown for us with him. most of our close friends and family know that Cal has been undergoing some testing and therapies for autism. although he has not been formally diagnosed with autism he exhibits some symptoms of the disorder. obviously as a parent this rips me apart inside. never do you want for your child to be at a disadvantage, never do you want your child to face challenges or be different. we spend our time as parents doing our best to shield our kids from as much harm and hurt that we can and the fact is i CAN NOT shield him from this. just like i can't shield brady from the reality of not seeing his friends or sleeping in his bunk beds (not exactly the same, but u get the point).

Thank you all for your love and support of our family. You mean more to us than you will ever know.

Oh - btw i also desperately miss my red corduroy couch.