in the pit

i have a very close friend who for the past few years has been struggling through deep loss and she started a blog. her blog is not a place to have a pity party for herself but instead a place i feel encourages and heals both her and the people who read it. anyways i was on her blog this morning and i saw a post from a few months ago; a post which i have probably already read but at the time did not hit me the way it did today. the quote is from a book about loss and it says :

"When things are going well, we feel elated. When hardships come, we sink into depression. But true joy transcends the rolling waves of circumstance. Joy comes from a consistent relationship with Jesus Christ. When our lives are intertwined with His, He will help us walk through adversity without sinking into debilitating lows and manage prosperity without moving into deceptive highs. The joy of living with Jesus Christ daily will keep us level-headed, no matter how high or low our circumstances."

i found this to be an encouragement because from where i am standing my circumstances are certainly low right now.

this week has been the most difficult for me to date since crossing the great atlantic. i have felt i was barely holding on these past few days which for me a kind of a new feeling. Now of course i should have assumed that after writing an entire post about how i feel we are getting back to a place of normalcy that immediately following, everything would come apart at the seams - but in truth i did not see this complete 180 coming. if i am honest we have been facing consistent challenges since we arrived here but a few things happened this past week (kinda like the old saying the straw that broker the camel’s back) that sent me on an emotional roller-coaster leaving me with little to function on/with. in the midst of all the emotional upheaval, in an attempt to continue to pursue truth instead of reveling in the lies that would tell me to continue feeling sorry for myself i am reading a book called “in the pit with a lion on a snowy day” - a very good book and given the subject matter and my current life circumstances i think it is by no coincidence that i’m reading it now. in the book the author states that God is not only in the business of strategically positioning us in the right place at the right time but that He is awfully good at getting us where He wants us to go as well , but there is a catch - the right place often feels like the wrong place and the right time often feels like the wrong time. nothing rings truer to me right now than that feeling.

i don’t know about anyone else but although i realize that God does not owe me anything i often times act as though He does. when i'm going through a struggle or trial i often start wondering why God is allowing this or wonder where He is quite frankly! i often can’t fathom why He’s allowing certain things and question His purpose and plan in all of it. with that being said i ask myself if this IS the right place and the right time - why all the trials, challenges and worry? I don’t have an answer for this but i do know that 1 Peter 4:12 says “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you” and then in James 1 it says that we should count trials a joy because they produce in us God’s character. Sometimes God is funny... i don’t say that to be disrespectful but come on - trial and joy - seems like an oxymoron to me when you look at it’s face value. although upon a little deeper inspection the true spiritual understanding emerges and you remember no matter where you are or what you are going through - how low or deep that struggle or trial; God is good, God is in control, and He will never send me anywhere that He isn't. I am so very thankful for that truth.